Stand Still and Smell the Roses

Home alone on a Saturday night.

This past week has seen my time filled with work and consecutive nights of events - Young Chefs Dinner at Berowra Waters Inn, MFAs, Mel's Birthday dinner at L'etoile. It finally all got a bit too much this morning when mum and Jen both started having a go at me for not spending time with the family.

I broke down. The stress of work and the lack of sleep made me wail like a baby...

And surprisingly, it felt fantastic. It was just what I needed to do.

I feel like I've been drowning over the past few weeks. The politics at work have been sending my mind into overdrive as potential opportunities to jump two steps up, sent my mind off to a crazy, psychotic place. I now realise how stupid it was as the opportunity I was pining for, is not only completely out of my league but it's not even all that grand! Plus, I'm not ready. I finally acknowledge that.

After my cry, I felt like I finally broke the water's surface and was able to take a deep breath of fresh air. I feel free again.

So I'm deciding to let go (for now) of all my work ambitions. I'm choosing to stand still and just be happy with everything I have around me right now. I'm going to the USA in December and I am so eager to do this Silversmithing course at TAFE next year - these are the things I look forward to! These experiences make my heart skip a beat and fill every cell in my being with fuzzy happiness. Not having more work responsibilities with little monetary incentive!

Why do I keep forgetting that?

In the past, I have blamed the work environment I'm in, for sending me into these psychotic episodes but I now realise, it's not the environment, It's me. I am the one who momentarily forgets the things and the people who are important to me. I am the one who chooses to get frustrated with work. I let work get to me. I let work make me into an angry, grouchy and moody cow. It's all me.

Well, I'm going to put a stop to it right now. No more. I'm making a life-altering decision to stand still. I'm choosing not to succumb to the temptations of the outside world. I am stopping to smell the roses. I am going to cherish my family. I am going to be present with my mum goes in for surgery. I am going to spend more time with my sister. I'm going to talk to my dad more. I'm going to devote more time to my friends. I'm going to be more generous.

I have a good life. The lure of more money and greater power, turns me into a person I myself don't recognise. No more.

I've made my choice, and that is to stand still and smell the roses.