What am I doing?

I'm all over the place. It's like my mind is admitting defeat... It's giving up.

It's giving up on what was suppose to be my "dream job". It's giving up on there being any opportunities in the "New World". It's giving up on my career, a future in the corporate world, climbing the ladder...

My mind and my heart is telling me that I'm done.

But I know that can't be. I'm not allowed to be done... I'm not even 28 yet! MP is right, i'm just being lazy. Unless you're Mark Zuckerberg, you can't retire at 28!

Says who? Society? My parents? MP?

No. Me.

The reality is that I have a responsibility to myself, to MP and to the family we have yet to have. Our financial burdens are too huge for MP to bear and I need to do my part. At least until we start a family.

There are upsides which I know I currently take for granted. I don't even blink at $50 spent on book thread and fabric. I can freely buy MP a Gant jumper (which he really doesn't need), without thinking twice. We eat nice meals and although we're both very cautious, money is simply not an issue.

All those benefits go in a blink if I quit the corporate life.

I need a way to mentally embrace my job and accept all the demons it brings. The grass is not necessarily better on the other side.

Just got to work out how. How do I love something which is currently giving me so much worry and pain?