It's been a big year. Life today is so different to the life I was leading in March 2010 (my last post). It's still the same old me. Except it isn't. The journey has been rough. I have the lines on my face to show for it.
I'm not a little girl any more...
It's been months and months since I picked up a crochet hook or an acrylic stamp.
I'm not typing in my bedroom in the Hills with the sounds of magpies and kookaburras in the background, rather I'm typing in our second bedroom with the traffic from the Pacific Highway behind me.
My job has changed and the new job is not what I thought it would be. Still. I am grateful for the opportunity.
I live with MP. This is what I had always wanted. It was the awesome amusement park on the other side of the fence. I'm here. And now I realise that the amusement park was a fantasy in my head.
In the last twelve months, I have achieved the goals and dreams I had been aspiring towards during the whole twenty seven years I've been living. Moving out of home. Moving in with the love of my life. The supposed dream job. Financial freedom.
I can honestly say that I got everything I wanted. I ticked all the boxes.
Why then, am I so unhappy? I feel more insecure now then I have ever felt. I absorb other people's judgements like a sponge. Half of it is in my head. I know this. I know this is my doing as I was the one who set these goals and aspirations.
I am grateful for everything that I have received. So I don't blame the world. It's my fault I'm here feeling this way.
The big question to ponder is, why did I choose these goals to aspire towards?
And then the even bigger question, having learned that the goals I had set for myself in the first 27 years of my life were so unfulfilling, what next?
No comments:
Post a Comment